So, what was there, you may as well inquire ? Well, there were only the 'bride', the 'groom' and their three friends-to sign a document and bear witness to a matrimonial union taking place according to The Special Marriages Act. It was a dull and dreary magistrate's office located in the by-lanes of a small town where both Priya and Amit, were students in a prestigious technical institution. The 'ceremony' took barely five minutes, officiated by a weary magistrate and an officious-looking clerk. They had to hurry off the entire procedure as there were about 15 couples eagerly waiting their turn for the same fate. At last, it was done. Mandatory round of congratulations and eating of sweets that someone had thoughtfully brought along. The couple were even blessed by an apology of a smile by the magistrate once the "I Do" was done with. Nonetheless it was the beginning of a new life even without the whole wedding paraphernalia, or the blessings or even presence of any set of parents-all had boycotted the occasion as Priya and Amit had decided to break the insurmountable caste barrier with their decision to tie the knot. It was heartbreaking to go through it all in the absence of parents and relatives; but what to do? Both had tried for a year to convince their families with no result. Hence, this step.

A Year Later….

Life was good. Amit was successfully employed by a giant software company in a metropolitan city and Priya had also acquired a job teaching young children in a local school. They had set up house in a rented apartment and things were moving smoothly. Till one day the long-expected happened. Amit was assigned an overseas project in USA. He was to take up charge within a fortnight. His passport and visa were in order, courtesy the efficient HR Department of the office. Priya too had her passport ready. She was asked to proceed to the local American Consulate office for obtaining her H4 visa.

Finally the day dawned. Amit's office had made available all the required documents and she was assured that appearing in the Consulate was a mere formality (after all no "wife" of an employee in Amit's office had been denied a visa!!!). There was the mandatory 3-4 hours wait in a long queue full of America-bound hopeful desis, all patiently awaiting their turn to be interviewed and allowed entrance to the land of golden opportunities. Time passed quickly and happily in the company of Amit and a few of his colleagues' wives-all there for the same reason.

Finally, Priya's turn came. She tentatively stepped up to the interview window. Well, the person on the other side seemed friendly enough!!! Here's how the "interview" went :

Priya : Good Morning!

Official : How are you doing today?

Priya : Good.

Official : Well, lets see (looks at the few photographs of the marriage taken hastily and surreptitiously at the magistrate's office-as in keeping with the usual paranoia about photography in government offices in India, they had been told to refrain from clicking their cameras). So, how many people were there for your wedding?

Priya (gulping, and already losing some of her previous confidence) : There were 3 friends, that is apart from us.

Official : That's all? Why???

Priya : Sir, it was a 'court marriage". Our respective parents and other relatives had decided not to participate in the wedding.

Official : Hummm! This does not look like a wedding to me!

Priya : Sir, I have attached the marriage certificate. You can verify from there.

Official : But to me this does not look like a marriage.

Priya : (Reduced to almost tears by now). Due to the absence of our family and friends, this is all we could do!

Official : Well, let me give you the benefit of doubt. I will call upon an Indian colleague of mine and let him decide whether you are married or not. (In comes a ray of hope-in the form of a clerk who is an Indian)

Official : Have a look at the photographs and her, and tell me if she is telling the truth. (The clerk gives a good look to the few photographs and lets his eyes glide over Priya, who was dressed in a salwaar-kameez, complete with the dash of sindoor on her hair-parting)

Clerk : Where is your "tali"? (mangalsutra-a necklace made of black beads worn by married women to declare their married status in many parts of India-not mandatory in many other parts.)

Priya : In my community, wearing a tali or mangalsutra is not required. We put "sindoor" (vermillion, applied to the hair parting) and I am wearing that as a sign of being married.

Clerk : Without a tali, I am not convinced that you are married. Moreover, the photographs are not convincing.

Priya : But sir…. Official : Well, that just about sums up my observations. See, I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but you could not convince even a person from your country! Priya : Sir, I have been married for almost a year now. Official : That does not change anything. (Once again lapses into the same line of argument). Where is your marriage card? You are not wearing any garland in the photographs, neither can I see any jewelry or bridal attire!!! And, you would like me to believe that you are married?!!! Priya : (Still holding on to some last remnants of patience) I have made my case clear. The marriage is certified by a court of law. Moreover, I am wearing sindoor which is accepted all over India as a sure sign of being married.

Official : So, why don't you take your case to the Consulate based near the place you claim to have got married and let them decide?

Priya : That hardly solves anything. Also, since this is the closest Consulate to the place where I am living now; and my husband's visa was granted by your good office, why should I travel across the country to plead my case somewhere else?

Official : (Clearly not appreciating the way Priya was handling things now gets on the no-holds-barred offensive) Listen lady, I have been in India for quite some time now. I have attended hundreds of marriages and know what a wedding in India looks like. I also happen to come across a large number of fraud cases. In keeping with all that, I am not allowing you an H4 visa.

Priya : (Some thin thread of patience and humility snaps on hearing the word "fraud") Sir, in India, a married woman may or may not put on sindoor; but an unmarried woman never does. I have a legal document in my possession that endorses the fact that I am married. It was unfortunate that we were not blessed with the presence of our parents on this occasion and neither could we afford the usual paraphernalia of a religious ceremony on our limited budget. I don't think that takes away the sanctity of the union, definitely not the legality. Official : I am still not convinced. You go and get married, and then apply again for your visa. Priya : But I can't; I am already married. Official : Then I am sorry……

Priya walks out. Angry and frustrated at the way she was humiliated; dejected and sad that there was nothing she or her husband could do now. What could they…. Did all this mean that without the pomp and show, marriages do not get sanction, even in this day and age? At least a person from USA (who must be aware of marriages taking place without ceremonial hullabaloo in his/her society) was expected to be sympathetic! What would happen now-will she always have to stay back when Amit was sent on his overseas assignments (which was bound to be quite frequent)? Or, should they resort to the dictum-give to people what they want-get a card printed; take some fake photographs, all dressed up in hired clothes??? No, she would not resort to the path of fraudulence! But that means that she will have to build up a life of her own, alone for most of her married life. Which is lesser of the two evils……

Meanwhile, Amit left for this assignment alone. He calls up almost everyday. Priya is continuing with her job and struggling with the present loneliness and dreading how life will shape up in the long run…..

Are Amit and Priya on the "wrong"??? Is it really "wrong" to try and break the barriers of convention? And the "price"? How long will the shackles of tradition and custom, in this case by being absent, continue to keep these two apart, who had dared to break the mold of cultural dictates? Any answers???

More articles by Debashree

1. For Going To America..
2. Twenty Years Later…