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There
are many challenges in a woman's life, but the biggest
one of them all is becoming a mother. It is especially
difficult in an alien country with absolutely no family
support to count on. Many Indian women are in a lucky
position to invite their parents, noticeably their mom's
to help them through pregnancy, delivery and postpartum
care. But there is also a group of women that have to
go thru this change-of-life-moment alone. And it can be
a time of tremendous stress, physical stress, emotional
stress and the least talked about, marital stress. The
rigors of baby-care can take a toll on even the most enthusiastic
of new moms! The best way to approach this situation is
to be prepared. And remember, no matter how prepared you
are, the first few months with a new baby will be surprising
and challenging at each stage. Below are listed some of
the few steps that might help you achieve some sense of
control when the baby takes over your life!
1) Be mentally prepared! - This seems
like a no-brainer, but it is amazing how many new moms
get shocked at the change this small, seemingly helpless
creature can bring in their lives! Read books, attend
baby-care classes, get in touch with friends who have
kids of their own. In one series of the Oprah show it
was even suggested that a mom-to-be should spend time
with another new mom to get a feel of life ahead!!!
Many women go through a short period of baby blues after
the birth of the baby and some suffer PPD (postpartum
depression), a more dangerous ailment. So be aware of
all this.
2) Enlist support - When your friends
ask, "can we help you"- take them up on the
offer! Maybe a friend, who is great with kids, could
baby-sit while you took a well-deserved break. Or someone
could do your groceries while they went shopping. Just
remember to say a "thank you" & you can
always return the favor.
Even if your friends cannot help ease your chores, a
phone conversation with a close friend can lift your
spirits. Keep in touch with your Lamaze friends &since
your children tend to be of the same age, you can exchange
stories!
3) Lower your standards - of housekeeping,
that is! Remember the myth of a "super-mom"
is just that, a myth. Even if you are the kind of person
who keeps everything squeaky clean, time just won't
be on your side once the baby arrives. Make do with
simple but wholesome foods- a boiled egg might be boring
but is definitely better than French fries! Don't criticize
your spouse if he doesn't meet your standards in housework;
just be grateful that it is getting done! Super-size
your recipes, when you do cook & you can freeze
the leftovers for later. Believe me there will come
a time when you will be able to go back to cooking fancy
dinners!!
4) Get out - of the house! Go for
a walk, go to the library, get some fresh air &and
take your baby with you! A walk in the park can lift
your spirits. It is also a cheap way of getting some
exercise. You might not return to your pre-pregnancy
stage but you definitely will feel healthy. Or step
on your treadmill and exercise while your baby sleeps.
5) Keep in touch - with your spouse.
A new baby can stress out both the parents and can put
pressure on the marriage. This is especially challenging
to parents since this is something that they are not
at all prepared for. In Indian society, the mom is always
the primary caregiver and even in the most liberal of
households, the contribution of the father in childcare
is at best, minimal. Share your chores without scrutinizing
each other. Moms don't criticize your husband's parenting
skills and Dad's don't compare your wife's parenting
skills with your mom. Divide and conquer, decide what
work each of you gets to do. Make lists. And remember
to take the all-important time off. Enlist a friend
or a nanny who can take care of your child for a few
hours while you catch a movie or just spend some quality
time with each other.
A child in your life changes you forever. But the joys
of parenting far outweigh the jitters of the first few
months. A smile and a hug from your bundle of joy, is
well worth all the effort.
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